Breaking News
Aliens are still avoiding Earth, presumably terrified of our hoverboard fails and selfies. 👽
Local Updates: Mrs. Johansson from 5th Street reported that her espresso machine gave her unsolicited life advice. It’s suggesting she take up urban farming on Mars. 🌱
Hobby Corner: John “Fishy” McGills was spotted fishing in the virtual reality canal. When asked why, he said, “It’s called stress-relief, Jenny.”
Conspiracy Alert: The hottest theory? Operation Alien-No-Show—aliens avoiding Earth because they’re hopelessly addicted to our cat memes. 🐾